Jock La Boom and the squirrels of doom.

    Pink text. 

    It all started during his babyhood. By the way, Jock was born full grown, but that's another issue. Anyway, he was out playing one day when a squirrel ran up to him and stood on a log. "Timmy stuck in the well, quick come help!". Being an expert in explosives, Jock knew exactly what to do for Timmy, however, the squirrel caught him off guard. He became very unsettled and something inside his already twisted brain simply snapped. He became obsessed and declared a one man war on squirrels, convinced they practiced abominable sorcery. 

    As for what happened to Timmy... it seems the well collapsed. One would suppose that dynamite could have helped in this situation, but unfortunately we suspect Jock's morals are a little off. The talking squirrel tied up and lowered down to him by Jock, tried to warn him that the fuse was NOT attached to a flare to call for help, but he really didn't listen, and used the accompanying matches. 

    Another victory in the war on stupidity! How many times did Timmy fall in the that dang well? He freaking deserved it!

    Shut up Richie!

    Sorry, just so happy to hear of success. 

    Anyway, Jock had such passion, he summoned the great Greek god of war Aries and swore he would not sleep eternally until he had whipped every squirrel from the face of the planet. Small problem. There also, at the time, was a certain squirrel army that had already sworn to the great Egyptian god of death, Anubis, that they would annihilate all humans, and contracted their souls to eternal life until their task was complete. So, since the others can't die, Richie, Weirdo and Chris... Jock and the army are stuck, even if the world itself blows up, they will ALL survive.